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Erin Grace

Monday, February 13, 2012


I am blown away by how the article, at the link below, addresses my feelings, exactly. After what I've experienced in my relationships, as an adult, I'm approaching things very differently now. One of my closest friends told me how proud he was of the changes I have made. "No" has still brought huge problems for me because of the relationships I have been in but now I see people in a different way than before. I let people go who don't respect me, I trust myself first. Now my judgement prevails over what others think they know. I have stopped second guessing myself. My grandmother was very intuitive (she had second sight, as they say), my sister and myself, as well, but over the years I've lost more and more of it. It's time to pay attention to me again.

In different kinds of relationships, I've ignored "red flags". It's as if I say to myself, "Oh okay, there's a potential problem right there but now that I see it, I can dismiss it. I'm used to that, it's in the open now, it's familiar." Bad move. It hurts that people have called me naive, it's rude and how could I know any different, when I grew up in such a rotten way? I had no support, no reassurance from a responsible parent. A chaotic family was my "normal". Dismissing feelings was "normal". No limits or boundaries was "normal". The people I should have been able to trust with my life (family), I couldn't trust. My parents, especially, didn't protect me and they leaned on me, on top of it all. 

 I am very frustrated with myself though, for being so cautious with people now. I am trying to remind myself that it's okay not to trust right away or even for quite a while. If someone has knowledge of what has gone on in my life, they should understand completely. I grew up in such chaos that I have realized I am scared if there isn't a warning of something. I worry that maybe I'm not seeing something, maybe I'm getting too comfortable around them too soon. I want a calm life. I know I have very good reasons to feel as I feel, to be defensive if criticized, to back away from someone if I feel they are minimizing my concerns. I realize if someone can't be patient and try to understand why I'm so wary, then of course they aren't worth my time. 

Is trust a necessary key to emotional healing?

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