In different kinds of relationships, I've ignored "red flags". It's as if I say to myself, "Oh okay, there's a potential problem right there but now that I see it, I can dismiss it. I'm used to that, it's in the open now, it's familiar." Bad move. It hurts that people have called me naive, it's rude and how could I know any different, when I grew up in such a rotten way? I had no support, no reassurance from a responsible parent. A chaotic family was my "normal". Dismissing feelings was "normal". No limits or boundaries was "normal". The people I should have been able to trust with my life (family), I couldn't trust. My parents, especially, didn't protect me and they leaned on me, on top of it all.
I am very frustrated with myself though, for being so cautious with people now. I am trying to remind myself that it's okay not to trust right away or even for quite a while. If someone has knowledge of what has gone on in my life, they should understand completely. I grew up in such chaos that I have realized I am scared if there isn't a warning of something. I worry that maybe I'm not seeing something, maybe I'm getting too comfortable around them too soon. I want a calm life. I know I have very good reasons to feel as I feel, to be defensive if criticized, to back away from someone if I feel they are minimizing my concerns. I realize if someone can't be patient and try to understand why I'm so wary, then of course they aren't worth my time.
Is trust a necessary key to emotional healing?
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