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Erin Grace

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Pack & Crash

With no children, the history of abuse and almost everything belonging to "S", it made divorcing "K" much easier. Soon after the confrontation about "K" contacting me, "S" and I had to return to her house to gather up whatever was left of our things, thankfully, it was in her name. She would keep the house but for the time being, she stayed with us. A few days prior to going, we requested that an officer meet us at the house. "K" was sure to show up and he certainly wouldn't care that there was a restraining order. Since "K's" father was a police officer in that city, the department didn't hide the fact that it was an annoyance for them to have to help us. Knowing we would have very little time with their protection, we went right in to get packing, while my mother waited outside to watch.

"K" had taken or sold many things in the house for cash. We packed quickly. "S" was walking out of the door with the first load when I heard her start talking to someone. She set down her box and stood in the front doorway with the door open just enough for her. Whoever was there, could not see inside. "S" had her arm around the back of the door, as if to be ready to slam it. I walked up and stood right behind the wall separating the foyer and the den. I didn't want "S" and whoever was at the door, to see me. I heard "K's" voice. For the first time, I felt as if I would kill him. It was such a strong urge that it felt almost uncontrollable. Anger and hate welled up in me, so intensely. I finally felt nothing for him, no obligation, no sense of needing any connection...and no fear of him, at all.

"K" was asking "S" to reconsider everything and try to work things out. She stood firm and warned him that the officer would be there any minute and she didn't want him to be arrested. Staying calm and acting concerned for him, kept him from blowing up. After 5 or 10 minutes, he reluctantly left. Soon after that, the officer arrived and he made it clear he wasn't going to stay long. He was very unsympathetic. To keep "K" from being provoked, "S" didn't mention his "visit" to the officer. Unfortunately, it probably wouldn't have been addressed anyhow. It's a balancing act. "Experts" and the law don't really understand your abuser like you do, so sometimes you have to choose your battles. It should not have to be that way.

We all signed up for a self defense course and were attending counseling. Nothing stayed calm for long though. After our self defense class one afternoon, we were traveling back to my mother's house on a main road. My mother had been in "high gear" for months and like us, she was exhausted. We came up to a line of cars following a farm truck. On a 55mph road, we were going along at about 40mph, each car waiting to take its turn passing the truck. Mom was impatient and she began to pass the car in front of us. As we were passing the car in front, the farm truck slowed and made a left hand turn into a driveway. At 55mph, mom had no time to stop. We slammed into the side of the truck and seeing as we were in a little Chevy Chevette, a majority of the car started to go under the truck.

Until that day, I was not good about wearing my seat belt, often forgetting, unless my mother made me. That day, I learned my lesson. I was in the middle of the back seat and was thrown between the 2 front seats, into the dashboard. My right arm was caught behind the passengers seat, breaking it up near my shoulder and cracking it down almost to my elbow. My face, especially my nose, was a mess from the dashboard. "S" and my mother were hurt, as well.

Starting over again was looking to be a bit rough...and there were flickers of "K", along the way.


  1. Is this why you have such horrible back trouble?

  2. No, thankfully my back problems didn't begin until 2008, when someone ran a red light and totaled my car. Then in 2010, I was loading my car in a parking lot and someone backed across the lot and into me, pinning me between my car and theirs.
    The second accident re-injured my back and it's now a lot worse, plus it caused left hip and left knee pain that is getting worse over time. The kids were with me both times, so they've been kind of worried about other drivers, naturally.