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Erin Grace

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


So, I didn't mean to reveal to my cousin what was going on but I did. I remember before I left for California with my mother, "K" and I had been in an argument and he turned to "S", picking her small frame up over his head and throwing her across the room with ease. As emotionally tied to him as I felt, I was tired of being scared, tired of living such an out of control life.

My mother and I came back from California and I stayed with her, instead of my expected return to stay with "K" and "S". A day or two later, we met "S" at work. We went to the house and only took what we could grab quickly and we left. Max and our cat Tyler came with us, "K" would have hurt or killed them, out of revenge. The night before "S" left him, she said "K" had been violent and threatening to kill her at an even more frightening level than ever before...maybe it was because I hadn't come back to stay with them and he sensed something was up.

**At some point, while I was in California, "S" had called the police after "K" was violent towards her. "K" was arrested but soon he would be out. Finally seeing the bruising on her body, the Chief of Police apologized to her about returning "K's" shotgun to him, that last time she had reported him. In addition, the Chief told her that she very well could have sued the department.  To be turned away by your pastor and the police department? Is it any wonder that there are people who kill their abusers? People who kill themselves? Become addicts to ease their pain? Turn their anger and frustration in, onto themselves, or out, onto others? Any wonder that people resign to living an abusive life because there's no way out, no one to help?**

We put the animals at a boarding center, where they would be cared for and went to a domestic violence shelter in the city. It was surreal. I couldn't wrap my mind around what was happening. I remember sitting in my room at the shelter just stunned at everything that had occurred. I wasn't prepared for all of this to happen. I didn't mean to reveal anything. That's what was tough for me, I had no control over what happened, I didn't even know I had told anything. It all happened too fast. The war was over but I didn't know how to adjust to what was next. What was next? The people there were very kind, the staff and the residents were wonderful to get to know. I just wasn't relieved. I was still emotionally tied to him, my mixed feelings didn't just evaporate.

My mother and "S" returned from seeing the judge the next day, with a restraining order. Anyone who knows about restraining orders or orders of protection knows they really don't do much. They say that the person listed is to stay a certain distance away from you and can be arrested if they violate the order. A piece of paper can't keep that person away.

And it didn't.

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