For those who aren't aware, I have another blog, which is my professional one:

Feel free to share and comment!

Erin Grace

Saturday, February 4, 2012


I apologize for not warning anyone of any sexual content in my other post...this one has some, so be advised.

Summertime came. I was 12. I was dealing with my father's mounting anger and paranoia, my mother showed no interest in seeing me and I was constantly missing school either because I was sick or I was just too depressed to go. Despite all that had been going on, living with "K" and "S", I still wanted very much to stay with them. It was still not life with my mother or father and I was getting attention. It was a very twisted form of attention but it was attention. I also could numb myself with alcohol, which he made sure was always available to me. I went to live with "K" and "S" for the entire summer and ultimately up until I was 14. How I was able to live with them is a very difficult post to write, I'm working on it but it will have to wait. I just can't bring myself to publish it yet.

"K" decided it was time for me to stop sleeping alone. He frequently talked about divorcing "S" and marrying me. In his mind, he thought he could have two wives in a way because he was already been married to her and he needed to marry me. The bed he and "S" shared was too small for all of us, so he made a large "bed" on the living room floor and that was where the three of us slept. He was in the middle. I don't know how "S" managed to make it to work most mornings, considering how many nights "K" would keep us up. He would plot crazy things akin to the movie "Natural Born Killers". He dreamed of going out in a memorable way and we would go with him. I got caught up in the ideas of living on the run and robbing places. I had no desire to hurt anyone though. I was included. I belonged. I began to throw out crazy fantasies of my own. It was fun. It was an escape for me.

Many nights I would awake to him touching me. I would pretend to be asleep. I don't know for sure but "S" must have known what was going on. We were all right there next to each other. He'd eventually get on top of me. I'd always pretend to be asleep. He didn't seem to care. He'd have sex with me right there. Next to her.

No comments:

Post a Comment