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Erin Grace

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

First There's Smoke

I began spending entire weekends with "S" and "K". I would daydream all week about going to see them and I'd cry and beg my father to let me stay with them, when he came to get me at the end of the weekend. It got to be quite a scene. I'd call them as much as I could during the week and my father would get really angry when I talked about them, which was a lot.

One Sunday afternoon, my father picked me up and at the first traffic light we stopped at, I guess my crying and carrying on got to him. He turned around in his seat and lunged towards me in the back seat. He grabbed me around the throat with his hands and started squeezing. I was scared to death. I'm sure I shut up. When he got angry, he changed so drastically. He'd let his frustrations build and build until he could take it no longer and then he'd blow. I hated going home with him. I became really obsessed with how I could spend more time with "S" and "K".

I noticed fairly quickly that "K" was the one who had the final say in everything. He angered very quickly. Still, I was in a new environment and that's all I cared about. It just didn't seem like a big deal, yet. 

One night, not long after I began spending weekends with them, "K" said he wanted to show me something wild. He took a Bible off of the shelf next to the television and brought out a baggie filled with something I had never seen before. He opened up the bible, ripped the first page of Genesis out and laughed. He waved the page at me, took some pot out of the baggie and proceeded to roll a joint out of the first page of the Bible. "S" wanted nothing to do with any of it. He took a drag to show me how and then passed it to me. It was new and kind of scary but I trusted him and I was happy not to be with my father. "K" went to the kitchen and brought me a beer. That was my first experience with any substances at all.

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