For those who aren't aware, I have another blog, which is my professional one:

Feel free to share and comment!

Erin Grace

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

How old is your mother?

It's been a long time coming, trying to accept the fact that while I've had a mother in body, I never really had a mother. The kind who holds you and kisses you as a child, bakes you things, helps you with the grandkids, checks on you even as an adult, is just always there for you. Has your back like no one else in the world.  :*) I know I've written about her being that way in past posts but to actually have a professional verify it, puts a new meaning there that never was before...I knew it all along but there was still that slight doubt in the back of my mind I guess...that doubt that we all have, in certain relationships, that sends us back to things again and again.

Mom has no business caring for children, she's dangerous. When I was having trouble in my marriage and I asked her why she couldn't just be supportive of me and show some kindness, she very clearly told me that she wasn't going to go against my husband. There've been many other instances in my life when she wouldn't be supportive. I guess it never struck me how different that was from other mothers, until recently, when her therapist started working with her and made it very clear that no, this isn't right and the only person she is able to care about, is herself. There's little that can be done, except to try to keep her out of everyone else's hair and make sure she is safe as she gets older. 

 I have been holding so much back for years, towards my mother, for other peoples' sake. I recently started to confront my mother about a few things that happened when I was young and I stopped feeling I would be a bad daughter for being angry with her. I wasn't expecting any apology or acknowlegment of wrongdoing but I guess I didn't expect the childishness, even though I had been dealing with it all of my life. No matter how I word things, she still reacts in the same childish manner and as if she were the victim. She's finally being pushed into a corner and she doesn't like it. I wish she'd just say she doesn't like me, it would make things a lot easier. I think that would give me closure because it's something I've known since I was probably 2 or 3 myself. I'm more like competition to her or a bother to her, I'm not sure which. She never had any expectations of me at all, except maybe to get into trouble. I was just there.

When she's not hanging up on me or throwing a tantrum in defensiveness about how she must be "the worst mother in the world", she takes to publicly wondering aloud how I could remember such things that I went through, not realizing how ridiculous she sounds and not understanding that she's actually outing herself as an abusive mother. She's actually saying, out loud, to certain people, "How can she remember that I tied her in her bed as a child? She was so young to remember that! I was only trying to keep her safe!" As in, "I can't believe she remembers and poor me, how could she say such a thing?" That's her thinking process. She's not someone to feel sorry for, she's manipulative and knows how to seem like the innocent, nice, old woman. She truly doesn't seem to understand how ridiculous she sounds. Her therapist says she's stuck at the mentality of a two-year-old, extremely impulsive, selfish and immature. 

Most years it doesn't bother me too much but for some reason this Mother's Day, it really did. I have never been into getting sappy cards for her because it just never fit, for obvious reasons. This Mother's Day I just didn't want to get her anything at all. I sent her just one card from me on Friday (I try to always send it early and a separate one from the grandkids she hardly knows), so it's probably just getting there today. I called her late on Sunday and left a message. I was glad she didn't answer. I'm just over pretending.

*I know I'm not alone in my relationship with my mother. I see many sons and daughters with narcisstic mothers and fathers...they deserve so much better. You can learn to set boundaries..the world is not all about them and life is more than giving to them and living up to their "standards" and "image".*

Monday, October 1, 2012

Realization: A Story For Everyone

I've been doing a lot of soul searching and to say that I'm trying to share my story, in hopes to encourage others to not feel ashamed or oppressed by it, doesn't seem to give me the satisfaction I had hoped for when I first began writing. My story is for everyone.

To some, who have had a good childhood, what I'm about to say may seem so basic but be honest with yourself. I'm realizing now, I want to tell anyone, even those from really good families, that if you still feel there's something missing, ask some questions about how you grew up, there has to be things that you would like to see done differently. A family that is truly supportive will accept the questioning. I actively encourage my kids to question what I expect from them. Yes, it drives me crazy but that's truly what I want for them (and hey, it keeps me honest with myself!). I want them to consider how they can do things differently than I did, to figure out what works for them and what they can't live with. Yes, families can seem supportive, be supportive and maybe they are looking out for your well-being but also consider that even if you come from a really good family. that perhaps when people try to say they're just looking out for you, maybe they're taking your actions a little personally. Try to consider their reactions: how much might be being defensive and how much may be they are genuinely concerned for the decisions you're making. Both?

So I guess what I realized, in sharing my story, is that this is meant for anyone. How loyal to your family's belief systems are you? Does it truly inspire and motivate you? Are there areas you're holding back, for fear of actions and/or emotions from those closest to you? How realistic is your fear? How can you do things differently?

Try not to take it personally when someone questions things, literally and figuratively. I know how difficult that is but remember we're all just trying to manage how we can be happy and how we can live our best life.

It's not always personal.

Monday, September 17, 2012

*My Other Blog*

Just a reminder for those who aren't aware, I have another blog, which is my professional one:

Feel free to share and comment!

Erin Grace

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Please Visit Me On My New Blog For Relationship-Communication Coaching!
My new blog:


Twitter: @LifeSightsCoach

Current website: however, I will be updating it soon, starting the second week of June (after I move to my new residence)!

See you soon!
Erin Grace