Mom has no business caring for children, she's dangerous. When I was having trouble in my marriage and I asked her why she couldn't just be supportive of me and show some kindness, she very clearly told me that she wasn't going to go against my husband. There've been many other instances in my life when she wouldn't be supportive. I guess it never struck me how different that was from other mothers, until recently, when her therapist started working with her and made it very clear that no, this isn't right and the only person she is able to care about, is herself. There's little that can be done, except to try to keep her out of everyone else's hair and make sure she is safe as she gets older.
I have been holding so much back for years, towards my mother, for other peoples' sake. I recently started to confront my mother about a few things that happened when I was young and I stopped feeling I would be a bad daughter for being angry with her. I wasn't expecting any apology or acknowlegment of wrongdoing but I guess I didn't expect the childishness, even though I had been dealing with it all of my life. No matter how I word things, she still reacts in the same childish manner and as if she were the victim. She's finally being pushed into a corner and she doesn't like it. I wish she'd just say she doesn't like me, it would make things a lot easier. I think that would give me closure because it's something I've known since I was probably 2 or 3 myself. I'm more like competition to her or a bother to her, I'm not sure which. She never had any expectations of me at all, except maybe to get into trouble. I was just there.
When she's not hanging up on me or throwing a tantrum in defensiveness about how she must be "the worst mother in the world", she takes to publicly wondering aloud how I could remember such things that I went through, not realizing how ridiculous she sounds and not understanding that she's actually outing herself as an abusive mother. She's actually saying, out loud, to certain people, "How can she remember that I tied her in her bed as a child? She was so young to remember that! I was only trying to keep her safe!" As in, "I can't believe she remembers and poor me, how could she say such a thing?" That's her thinking process. She's not someone to feel sorry for, she's manipulative and knows how to seem like the innocent, nice, old woman. She truly doesn't seem to understand how ridiculous she sounds. Her therapist says she's stuck at the mentality of a two-year-old, extremely impulsive, selfish and immature.
When she's not hanging up on me or throwing a tantrum in defensiveness about how she must be "the worst mother in the world", she takes to publicly wondering aloud how I could remember such things that I went through, not realizing how ridiculous she sounds and not understanding that she's actually outing herself as an abusive mother. She's actually saying, out loud, to certain people, "How can she remember that I tied her in her bed as a child? She was so young to remember that! I was only trying to keep her safe!" As in, "I can't believe she remembers and poor me, how could she say such a thing?" That's her thinking process. She's not someone to feel sorry for, she's manipulative and knows how to seem like the innocent, nice, old woman. She truly doesn't seem to understand how ridiculous she sounds. Her therapist says she's stuck at the mentality of a two-year-old, extremely impulsive, selfish and immature.
Most years it doesn't bother me too much but for some reason this Mother's Day, it really did. I have never been into getting sappy cards for her because it just never fit, for obvious reasons. This Mother's Day I just didn't want to get her anything at all. I sent her just one card from me on Friday (I try to always send it early and a separate one from the grandkids she hardly knows), so it's probably just getting there today. I called her late on Sunday and left a message. I was glad she didn't answer. I'm just over pretending.
*I know I'm not alone in my relationship with my mother. I see many sons and daughters with narcisstic mothers and fathers...they deserve so much better. You can learn to set boundaries..the world is not all about them and life is more than giving to them and living up to their "standards" and "image".*
*I know I'm not alone in my relationship with my mother. I see many sons and daughters with narcisstic mothers and fathers...they deserve so much better. You can learn to set boundaries..the world is not all about them and life is more than giving to them and living up to their "standards" and "image".*
