I've tried very hard to push everything that happened, out of my mind. I got so good at it, as a kid, that it has been my way of coping. It amazes me the detail that some people remember from terribly abusive situations. To keep my sanity, I suppose, I "normalized" what was going on in my life. I notice a lot of similarities I had with people who suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. Stockholm Syndrome is a paradoxical psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them.
It's very difficult for me to cry. If I cry in front of someone, it means I feel safe around them and trust them. That doesn't happen often, I am afraid of looking vulnerable. Vulnerability always got me into bad situations, so I act as if I don't need anything or anyone. Looking back, I feel I have had a lot of therapy to help deal with it all but maybe I haven't. This blog is helping a lot...forcing me to show my strength in being able to put it all out there. Now I truly do not care if I'm rejected by anyone for it and I can see "users" a mile away. I really like who I have become, I don't need anyone else to tell me I'm good enough. I know I am. I wish everyone could feel this way about themselves!
Totally get the S syndrome thing.
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